Agawam, MA--One can only imagine the suprise on the faces of those who work at Six Flags New England as they arrived at work on Monday morning, only to realize that the park had been locked beneath a thick layer of snow and ice by a supervillain known as "Mr. Freeze," who, according to sources, reportedly escaped from the Arkham Asylum sometime last week. When asked about their feelings on the attack, employees reported feeling "shocked," "unnerved," and, "really, really cold."
Other employees expressed something akin to disappointment. Said one manager, "This isn't the first time that we've been attacked by a supervillain. Actually, we're dealing with a situation with Lex Luthor at the moment in our DC area. At least Lex has the decency to be cunning and evil. Mr. Freeze is, well, just kind of annoying. I mean, I hate scraping ice off my car, and earlier today I slipped on the way to my office and spilled my coffee. My coffee!"
TOP: Buzzsaw under a thick layer of snow and ice. BOTTOM: Pandemonim won't be thawed out for quite awhile.
Another employee expressed her annoyance with Mr. Freeze's methods, saying, "It's pretty irritating having to bundle up like the little kid from A Christmas Story every time I have to go outside, you know, just in case that stupid Freeze jumps out from behind a tree with his freeze gun or something. It's uncomfortable and time consuming. Thank God his gloves are too bulky for him to operate doorknobs, or he might get into the offices and I might never get to take this coat off!"
Scenes of frigid villainy abound at the Agawam, MA-based Six Flags park. TOP: The clock near Shipwreck Falls. BOTTOM: Main Street is a sheet of ice after Mr. Freeze's rampage through the park
TOP: I would recommend dressing warmly if you're planning on flying on Skycoaster in the near future. BOTTOM: Not even the mighty Great White could escape the icy embrace of Freeze's malice.
Local authorities have, so far, been unable to apprehend the fugitive supervillian. However, they ask that, if anyone has any information as to his whereabouts, they contact the administrator of this blog at sfneops@gmail.com, since, quite frankly, they've got more important things to do besides worry about some guy with the equivalent of a cold water gun.
-John
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